I have a secret...

Okay... Where do I start??

Things have been pretty shitty for me lately. I am very unhappy with my weight, my father has been crazy, my boyfriend walked out on me, I am nieve, my job makes no money and I live at home with my family. Doesn't sound that bad now that I say it.... but it feel horrible.

I was crying so hard the other night. And, as I was crying... I was cutting. My eyes were almost swollen shut and I was cutting... WHy?? Why do I do this?? It is so stupid!!! I really feel like it helps me tho.

Anyway, as I was crying and cutting... I up and called my mother. I don't know what made me do that, but I did. She immedialtely came to my room and tried to calm me down. I figured she would just make me feel better. But...upon seeing the knife on my pillow, she freaked out! She started yelling at me and making me feel crazy. She said I would kill myself and anyone else in a moment of rage. This is SO not true. I would never hurt anyone!!!

I don't know why I do this. I don't know who to tell or how to stop it....